I sat within a lively circle of women last week and this thought came out like a lightning bolt into the conversation:
“I wish I got paid for all the inner work I do.”
I mean, really.
What if every time I had a realization or painfully grounded truth integrated into the fabric of my being, someone ran over with a blank check signed to me, just for all the hard work put in?
How much would I write it for?
What’s my mastery worth to me?
I’m not sure yet. There are days that I’m in love with this path. I notice the shapes of clouds in the sky and my kid’s incessant requests for this and that don’t bother me so much. Days when I put on a red dress and take my irks and resistances to journal writing with my favorite flowy pen or to the canvas with strong, magenta streaks that lead me to wholeness or maybe just a little more ease.
And there are days when I want to go back to sleep, take the blue pill instead of the red, and not have to deal with Saturn returns or soul-combusting downloads.
Those days when I want an easy life and forget that what I signed up for was something more marvelous and more satisfying than anything a sleepy existence could offer are the days I’m most grateful for my friends.
If you’ve been on a journey to live authentically for a bit now (er, taken that red pill) you’ve likely had your share of relationships. And, if you’re like me, this quest for like-hearted connection is sort of a THING and therefore has led you to more experiences of ‘no’ or ‘meh’ than ‘yes, more please’.
You know what I mean, right? Those relationships you look back on with crazy honor and gratitude for the certain version of ‘you’ they held up in the mirror. The needy you. The unsure you. The not-so-whole you.
I treasure those experiences. It’s through connection that I strengthen my sense of identity, purpose, and overall awe of the how this life thing works.
For me, relationships are often the best indicator of where my personal wiring is incomplete, or perhaps, totally outdated and in need of serious love. Like when I first began to feel my passion for spiritual service in my body, it was pure electricity. I went on google and Facebook and meetups to unite with souls who could join me, and in turn, help me understand what to do with this fire.
(It went pretty well. And then also it didn’t. Like that one time. But we all have stories like this!)
The truth is that I’m learning a new superpower for mastery that I could have never, ever learned outside of giving my power away one too many times to people who had no business carrying it for me.
That power is: DISCERNMENT.
I know, it’s not very sexy.
This word itself has felt like a tight-collared preacher at a pulpit or a study hall monitor looking down at me with glasses sliding off her nose. It’s seemingly restricting and lackluster. But I’m ever-so-slowly turned on by its magic and its sole function to remind me who I am and what I want as I create a magic carpet life full of wonder and structure, fire and earth.
I simply cannot have that kind of life without friends who see me and (constantly) call me into it.
Which leads me to this infamous quote by the late Jim Rohn:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Economically speaking, it’s based on a theory that the result of any given situation will be the average of all outcomes.
So how does that play out in connections with others? Especially for a woman like you, who has awakened to your magic and on fire to live it out, no matter what?
Can it be possible that the only thing that matters is who you surround yourself with?
If that’s the case, then how can one become more intentional about who to align with? Where does one start?
That’s where discernment comes whooshing in.
I’ve seen this unfold, often dramatically in my own life. As I shifted, my crew did too. There’s endless letting go and moving on. And for someone who is very concerned about being nice about all of it and very afraid of losing love, it’s been hard. (In those seasons I could have really used that blank check for the hours I put in!)
I had to use discernment to elevate who I was in the relationship… I had to increase my value in the energy exchange. Knowing, trusting, and embodying my personal power has changed the people that have showed up in my circle.
The beautiful thing about being a human is that we SO MUCH want love. The hard thing about that is how often we think we have to hide ourselves to get it. (If you’ve ever thought: “I don’t want to be too much. Too little. Too soft. Too hard,” then you know what I mean.)
How would my closest relationships shift if I showed up in my true power?
You could simmer on that question your whole life, but let’s try an exercise to bring it into form.
Think of the five people you spend the most time with. I’m not talking about your life-long bestie you catch up with a few times a year. This is the five women you spend the MOST TIME WITH and give most of your energy to. (If you’re a parent, don’t count your kids here! Consider these as your adult peers and/or partners.)
Go ahead and write down each of their names.
For each person, consider each question honestly:
How much of me is hiding in this connection?
Am I in awe of this person?
What are my expectations in this connection?
How do they (specifically) make me better? What value do they bring me?
Now. What if there were people in your five that you simply don’t want there/would like to replace with a more supportive energy?
Operating from a higher love—one that demands that you surround yourself with like energies instead of karmic, self-serving, obligatory ones—will get easier when you feel worthy enough to receive elevated, intimate connections.
It’s a lifelong journey, this business of self-love. But eventually, having women who see us in our purest space is non-negotiable. We need them like the air we breathe– because of who we are when we are with them. And awareness of how thoroughly our soul thrives in connection? It’s our yellow-brick road to getting there.
Try this the next time you’re around one of your five people:
Be mindful of WHY you are with them.
Be mindful of HOW you feel when you’re with them.
Be mindful of WHO you ultimately are in their presence.
If you find yourself modulating your magic in order to create harmony (whatever that pattern looks like for you), bring yourself love in that moment and simply be aware of that tendency. Love, through awareness, will work wonders in doing the work for you.
As you shift, the kinks tend to work themselves out. Glorious, isn’t it?
And now, while you’re at it, why not create a list or ‘criteria’ for who you want your HIGH-VIBE FIVE to be? I created one myself (just for the five women in my life) and have it printed and posted in a special place in my home. I light candles to my five. I send them love and gratitude for their mastery and all the unique ways they show me who I am. Some of you reading this might even be one of them!
Here’s my list. Create yours and share it with me here. Seriously, I adore hearing from you!
1. She opens me to wonder.
I’m here to grow myself, so my inner world can be quite volcanic. Or tornadic. Lava and cyclones—chaotic stuff. So yes, my inner circle HAS to enchant the magic in me. And, also, bring the perfect amount of irreverence to the table.
2. She fans to flame my God-light.
When it flickers, she’s got a blow torch. Or, if I need to feel small and unseen to the rest of the world, she’s there to create a quiet space with me. Either way, I never have to hide my brilliance from her. She’s big enough to shine with me.
3. She’s aware of her purpose in my life.
She knows what she’s got to offer to the space and she BRINGS IT. Unapologetically. Especially when I don’t want her to. Those times I need it most.
4. She takes responsibility for her personal growth.
I don’t do whining. Not from my six year old, and certainly not my grown-woman friend. She’s the Queen of her story and she owns her shit. And she’s so beautiful doing it.
5. She offers me the treasures of her heart.
Diamonds. That’s what she gives. She speaks and counsels from things that move her and rouse the center of her being, not just a book she just happened to read or something she fleetingly saw on TV. Her passion is her gift to me and it is priceless.
So how does your list feel? Are you wanting more women in your circle who meet your needs in relationship? Take a moment to tell me about it or download my free Magic Formula Discovery Guide to learn more about your unique destiny type and how it can TOTALLY elevate your inner circle.
To your infinite magic!