TELL ME if this has ever happened to you:
You’re moving through your day, going to the post office, meeting someone for coffee, making food in your kitchen…
And a question pours in to your consciousness that won’t let you go.
You try to honor it by noticing it, writing it down, giving it a voice and find that it’s message has this wildness and intensity, like a big flashing neon light from your innermost place that says PAY ATTENTION.
Every time we step into the realm of soul we risk losing ourselves to a wilder reality. I think that’s the nature of inner work or discovery itself, to drop us out of the auto-responder tendency of life and into the messy, untamed world of the unknown.
Soul work is shedding old skin so we can make room for what’s new. There is always something new and higher available to us, but without that risk of losing what’s not working anymore, we won’t see the wonders of what’s possible.
Mary Oliver said it like this:
“When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms….
I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”
So what does that look like for me, to be a bride married to amazement? How can I be a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms?
And this question:
What does it mean to be fully alive?
As soon as my eyes open in the morning, I’m greeted with a choice. How will I show up in this day? Who will I be in it? And who will I be at its end?
And I spend my hours mostly overwhelmed by the possibilities of it all—because to have a choice means I have full creative reign. And if I have full creative reign then I’m back to that risk of losing the old parts of me and the having to own the responsibility that comes with personal power.
But the greatest gift I ever ever gave myself was choice.
During the height of my awakening, which is what I call the condensed period of my life when my soul cracked open and devoured all my reasons for hiding who I truly was, it became a daily practice for me to see that I had a choice.
I had all this freedom and space inside of me open up, and yet my life on the outside needed time to catch up with the fire power of my inner world. It’s moved at a different tempo and hardest of all, reflected the old agreements I had made in my unhealed state of being.
I loved my life, I loved my husband and my kids and my home, but there was a new architectural design emerging that was energized by higher dynamics and the strength of that question:
What does it mean to be fully alive?
In my partnership?
In my experience of who I was professionally?
In my mothering?
And of course, in my own body?
This morning, as I sat with that question, I realized it’s not supposed to be answered and diagramed and put into a chart or action plan…
It’s meant to be experienced.
The glory of the possibility that we are moving into a collective moment in the history of our humanity where more people are awake than asleep– where more souls are alive and engaging with their creative power and soul identity than those who are under the illusion of victimhood, brokenness, and defeat.
I have to believe that being in the energy of that possibility produces a butterfly effect on the planet, the notion that a small subset of people having this experience of aliveness can affect the whole course of humanity.
That is why I’m here to romance the world. That is why I do the painful work of going in to the dark places inside of myself and loving the hell out of it.
Because when I do, it does something. When I am affected by love, you are affected by love and you have a choice to respond or not to respond but that affect that force will keep moving to the next open opportunity.
Love is functional like that.
So, perhaps another way to ask the question is:
What does it mean to be fully in choice?
Because engaging life is about being present and open to the love that is available to us… and choosing to participate in it and receive it in every moment.
Easier said than done.
But isn’t it wonderful, just being in the vibration of it?
Sometimes I think, that’s enough. To walk out of the doors of my heart and say “I’m here, I’m available for love”. Even if my wounds are fresh (especially when they’re still fresh!)
Even when my fear is raging and I feel the bottom dropping out and the winds of anxiety wash over all sensible thought patterns.
I’m here. I’m available for love.
To give love. To get love. To be love is how I am fully alive.
I hope you’ll allow these words to make a home with you as they have me. Consider writing them down and speaking them aloud. Scan the landscape of your life and discern where you want to receive the most love, where you want to give it and share your insights in the comments below!
Thank you so much for reading this, for doing the work, for being truth! May it light up your life so brightly and with so much certainty that it vibrates out to every darkened corner of the earth.
To your amazement,
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