This morning I awoke from a dream that demanded some attention.
I’ll spare you the cryptic details since interpretations of other’s dreams can be a little mind-numbing (it’s only YOURS that you really care about, right!). However, to paint a picture, I will juggle for you the images that keep popping into my waking mind today: a crowded gym with bad lighting, inappropriate shoes on my feet, a basketball game gone awry, and a bar of soap that was supposed to be used in place of the ball.
Yep, that’s what I thought too. But, as any pro-dreamer knows, it’s the emotional energy behind the images that is the sweet nectar of the subconscious. This one held a lot—more than I even understood until I started reciting it to a friend this morning over coffee. You know what came up loud and clear? Some ooey-gooey judgment. And no wonder! I’m going through a seismic life transition and am making choices with a greater freedom than I have ever experienced. It is terrifying and empowering. One moment I’m a ferocious lion and in the very next, a teeny church mouse retreating from life’s clamor.
There is nothing like change to stir up old patterns. And since there is nothing as constant as change, I can sink my little heart into the truth that I will always be re-imagining those patterns into more enjoyable ones that work better for my life.
Here’s what I mean: My dream brought into the spotlight a lot of how I have felt about myself through the decisions that I’ve made in my life. As I talked through the biggies that I have judged, I consciously chose to be an observer of the energy rather than a participant. Even though the judgment of my past felt mucky, I felt its message to me. Like everything else in the tapestry of my story, it has served a high purpose of delivering contrast and tension that I could feel in my body. Once I could stand it up next to lighter feelings of grace or compassion, I could make an empowered decision about how I wanted my experience to be.
So. Rather than engaging in a reality where I ask the question “Why did I do THAT?” about past choices, I desire to re-imagine a different pattern for myself – then AND now. It’s like this: I can literally go back into the dark holes I’ve put myself in and perform a scene change to my exact liking. Using the incredible power of my imagination, I can change up the formally-fixed scripts on the fly. No longer am I “Giving-My-Power-Away-Girl” who jumps into dysfunction in a single bound; I’m showing the world different superpowers now because I’ve changed the pattern about how I even feel about her. I’ve chosen grace and understanding over throwing her under the bus. Yes, she had a hard time saying no, but she sure looked great in tights. You get me?
In a nutshell, the truth I’m digging is this: my life is what I imagine it to be, but the real freedom is that I can also reach into my past and re-imagine the parts of it that need an energetic upgrade. The creative power of this is mesmerizing… I’m still wrapping myself around it!